I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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