At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
