there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
