Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
