Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
