Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
