It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
