Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
