I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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