I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think I sprained my soul last night
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
