dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The chlamydia really affected his face.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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