If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
