A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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