There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
