I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
