Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
