The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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