Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
