I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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