ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
