I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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