Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
