do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
soo... how was my night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize