please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
