OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
