"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
