I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Of course I have a pirate flag
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
