Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
