chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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