I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
