he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
