Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Randomize
