69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
