Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
True strength comes from lack of pants
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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