The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
