i may or may not be watching the land before time
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
