so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
