Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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