Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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