my mouth tastes like poor choices
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
