The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
