READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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