Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize