did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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