I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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