How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
