i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
