She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Mom said you looked used
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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