I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
