Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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