i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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