4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
