i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
